Blackberry Buckle — Panza Baby

Jan 18

Jan 18 Blackberry Buckle

It wasn't until I began to immerse myself in the anti-diet mentality that the word "healthy" began to change its meaning. Previously, I had bought into the idea that healthy mostly meant being thin, an ideal supposedly achieved by eating 90% vegetables and exercising a lot. And no one told me otherwise, I had to purposefully seek out information that dispelled myths about health and weight. So I would say it really started when I began to read research discussing the false dichotomy of fat and thin, unhealthy and healthy. And for a while I believed this about other people, but not about myself. I tricked myself into believing I was still an advocate and ally for fat people, while I was still addicted to the idea of weight loss for myself. Slowly, slowly, over much therapy and a lot of reflection, by letting go of pursuing weight loss and the fear of weight gain, my idea of healthy shifted.

I almost hesitate to use the word healthy because defining something is to put parameters up around it. And if you can create a parameter, you can turn it into a diet, into a succeed or fail situation. So for me, healthy can be described in one word - flexibility. It is never the same from day to day. It has little to do with the type and quantity of food and exercise and more about how I feel in the moment. And it has nothing to do with achieving a certain body shape, regardless of whether that body is thin or strong or lean. I eat dessert everyday and I view this as healthy, for me. I prioritize my mental health over my physical health, although these are inextricably connected. And I eat a combination of what sounds good to me and what is available to me at the moment. I could go on, but the idea is that over a long period of trial and error, of tuning out the diet messages, we can figure out what healthy means to us.

Part of the reason I am writing this post is because I never felt like I had people to show me that healthy meant anything different than being thin. Like many people who have spoken out on the topic, I wish mainstream media represented a diverse range of bodies and skin colors AND different ideas of what it means to be healthy. I literally had no idea that I could eat dessert everyday and be ok. I thought I'd gain a million pounds and never stop. I just had no idea that life without the pursuit of thinness was remotely possible. I am here to tell you that it is, it definitely is.

Blackberry Buckle - adapted from cookbook at mom's house

1 cup white flour

1 cup whole wheat flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

3/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 stick butter

3/4 cup sugar

1 egg

1/2 cup milk

2 cups blackberries (fresh or frozen)

Topping

1/2 stick butter